Parenting is an incredible journey—filled with moments of joy, growth, and at times, deep uncertainty. One of the most challenging experiences for parents can be understanding how their child communicates, especially if the child isn’t using words in the expected way. But here’s a powerful truth: your child is communicating—just not always in the ways we might anticipate.
Whether your child is preverbal, non-verbal, or selectively verbal, recognizing the signs of non-verbal communication can transform how you connect, support, and advocate for them.
What is Non-Verbal Communication?
Non-verbal communication includes all the ways children express their needs, wants, and emotions without using spoken language. While infants naturally cry or gesture to signal hunger, discomfort, or curiosity, older children may still rely heavily on non-verbal cues—especially if vocal speech is delayed or difficult.
Common non-verbal communication methods include:
- Eye gaze (looking at what they want or need)
- Gestures and pointing
- Facial expressions
- Crying, screeching, or yelling (each with different meanings)
- Physical actions (e.g., bringing you an item)
- Using sign language (even if just in imitation)
- Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS)
- Writing or typing on devices
- Assistive communication apps like Let Me Talk
- Drawing or creating comic strips
- Sensory-related behaviors (e.g., seeking deep pressure or avoiding touch)
These are not random behaviors—they are meaningful expressions.
Shifting the Focus: From Expressive to Receptive Language
Parents often feel pressure to hear their child speak, but language development isn’t just about output. Receptive language—the ability to understand words, follow directions, or respond appropriately—is equally, if not more, important in many cases.
If your child can respond to simple requests like “bring me your shoes” or “give me a hug,” that’s a strong indicator they’re taking in and processing language—even if they aren’t replying vocally.
This shift in focus can be incredibly reassuring. Your child hears you. They understand more than you might think.
Behavior is Communication
Children who can’t express themselves easily can become frustrated, which may result in what appears as “challenging” behavior. But behavior is a form of communication too.
Meltdowns, avoidance, or aggression might be signs of unmet needs, sensory overload, or difficulty processing a situation. Instead of viewing these behaviors as problems, they can be seen as messages asking for help, understanding, or support.
Emotional Connection and Sensory Sensitivities
Many parents long for hugs, cuddles, and physical closeness—but what if your child resists touch? It might not be rejection. For some children, especially those with sensory processing sensitivities, physical contact can be overwhelming or even painful.
Instead of withdrawing, try alternative ways to connect physically and emotionally:
- Deep pressure hugs (which can be more tolerable than light touches)
- Bedtime routines like “blanket burritos” for a cozy, contained feeling
- Gentle alternatives like forehead touches or “nose kisses”
Remember, your child’s avoidance of touch may reflect sensory discomfort—not emotional distance.
Educating and Advocating Within the Family
One of your most important roles as a parent is being your child’s advocate—especially when others don’t understand their needs.
Older family members may misinterpret a child’s silence or refusal to hug as defiance or lack of affection. It’s essential to help extended family understand your child’s communication style and sensory preferences, and set clear, respectful boundaries that support your child’s well-being.
Internal Communication and Selective Mutism
Even if your child isn’t speaking out loud, they may be actively thinking, processing, and even “talking” internally. Just as adults think in words without vocalizing them, children can also engage in silent internal dialogue.
Some children may choose to go quiet in overwhelming situations, a pattern sometimes referred to as selective mutism. This isn’t defiance—it’s often a coping mechanism. Respecting their need for silence while offering alternative ways to express themselves (writing, drawing, or using devices) helps maintain connection without adding pressure.
Practical Tools and Tips
Here are some ways to support and nurture your child’s unique communication style:
- Focus on receptive language: Give clear, simple instructions and observe how your child responds.
- Narrate their world: Describe what they’re doing, seeing, or feeling in real time to connect language to experience.
- Follow their interests: Use favorite shows, toys, or games to build communication (e.g., pausing a video to label a color or emotion).
- Incorporate assistive tools:
- PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System)
- Free communication apps like Let Me Talk
- Typing or drawing tools
- Visual schedules and comic strips for routines or emotions
You Are Communicating
Your child may not use words yet—but they are speaking to you in a hundred different ways. With curiosity, patience, and support, you can learn their language and help them express their beautiful inner world.
You are not alone on this journey. By tuning in to non-verbal cues, building on receptive understanding, and creating safe, sensory-aware environments, you can unlock new pathways to connection and understanding.
Resources for Further Exploration
Internal Links:
- Is Your Child Communicating Without You Knowing? – Pam and The Purple Couch Podcast
→ Is your child communicating in ways you might not recognize? Dive into the world of nonverbal communication and how children express themselves beyond spoken words. - Meet Pamela
→ Learn how Pamela’s journey as a parent led her to create transformative spaces for neurodivergent learners. - Services
→ Access information on coaching, training, and workshops designed to empower parents and educators. - 5 Practical Tips to Rewire Your Parenting Mindset
→ A practical guide to shifting your mindset so you can parent with greater calm, connection, and confidence - MindMeld Community
→ A members-only community offering expert-led Q&As, resources, and networking opportunities for educators and caregivers.
External Links:
- The Hanen Centre – “It Takes Two to Talk”
→ A well-known resource for parents of children with language delays, offering research-based strategies for building communication. - CDC’s Developmental Milestones Checklists
→ Great for tracking receptive and expressive language development by age. - LetMeTalk App (Free AAC App)
→ A simple, free app to help non-verbal children communicate using pictures. - Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS)
→ Widely used method to teach functional communication using picture cards. - Autism Speaks – Communication Tools
→ Includes tools and articles on speech, non-verbal communication, and sensory sensitivities.