When we hear the word masking, many of us might picture Halloween costumes or a performance on stage. But for neurodivergent individuals—particularly those on the autism spectrum—masking is something much deeper. It’s a behavioral survival tool, a way to adapt, cope, and often, to simply belong.
What Is Masking?
At its core, masking is the act of altering or suppressing one’s natural behaviors to fit into social norms. It’s a form of self-presentation, often unconscious, used to avoid judgment, gain social acceptance, or navigate unfamiliar environments. While it’s commonly associated with autism, masking is something everyone does to varying degrees—think of how you behave at a job interview versus with close friends.
Examples of masking in daily life:
- Dressing formally and using professional language in a work meeting.
- Acting reserved in new social situations despite being outgoing at home.
- Smiling through discomfort to avoid conflict or attention.
For neurodivergent individuals, however, masking can be constant—and exhausting.
A Personal Look Into Masking
Masking can take many forms, and for some, it’s as simple as wearing something symbolic—like a unique mask—that provides a sense of comfort or protection in social situations. It’s not about hiding who they are, but rather creating a buffer that allows them to engage with the world in a way that feels safer and more manageable. This kind of masking becomes a bridge between authenticity and emotional safety.
Digital personas, often called “sonas,” are another expression of this. These curated identities allow individuals to explore and share aspects of themselves that might feel too vulnerable or misunderstood in face-to-face interactions. Far from being deceptive, these representations often reveal deeper truths about someone’s personality, creativity, or values—they’re simply expressed through a medium that feels more secure.
Why People Mask
Masking serves different purposes, and understanding why someone does it is key to offering support. According to behavioral science, masking typically aligns with these functions:
- Attention – Seeking connection or positive social feedback.
- Escape/Avoidance – Dodging uncomfortable situations or interactions.
- Access – Gaining something desired (though less common with masking).
- Sensory/Automatic – Providing internal comfort or stimulation.
Sometimes masking is social—trying to make others laugh or avoid embarrassment. Other times, it’s purely internal—a way to self-soothe or feel in control.
Home vs. The Outside World
You might notice a striking difference in how your child behaves at school, in social settings, or around extended family compared to how they are at home. A child who appears calm, cooperative, or even overly quiet all day might come home and seem to “fall apart” emotionally—crying, melting down, or becoming withdrawn. This isn’t bad behavior or a lack of discipline—it’s emotional release.
What’s happening is often referred to as “after-school restraint collapse.” At school or in public, many neurodivergent children expend enormous energy trying to mask their true selves—suppressing stims, carefully observing social cues, and forcing eye contact or speech when it feels unnatural. Home becomes their only safe haven, the one place where they feel secure enough to let down their guard and be fully themselves.
As a parent, understanding this shift is crucial. Your child isn’t being defiant or disrespectful—they’re decompressing from the mental, emotional, and sensory overload of trying to fit in all day. Holding space for this release with empathy and patience helps build trust and lets your child know they are unconditionally accepted at home. In fact, this release can be seen as a sign that you’ve created a space where your child feels safe enough to be authentic.
What Parents Can Do
- Observe: Notice when and where your child masks. What situations seem draining or uncomfortable for them?
- Ask: Open up conversations about how they feel in certain settings. Even if they can’t explain it all, knowing you care builds trust.
- Accept: Not all behavior needs to be fixed. If your child finds comfort in a quirky habit or persona, honor that expression.
- Reflect: Adults mask too. Think about how you behave at work versus at home. Your example helps normalize the conversation.
The Bigger Picture
Society’s understanding of masking—and neurodiversity as a whole—is evolving, but that progress is gradual. For decades, the dominant message has been one of conformity: behave “appropriately,” speak a certain way, suppress emotions, and don’t stand out. Masking is often a survival strategy in a world that hasn’t yet learned to embrace neurodiverse ways of being.
But with more open conversations, education, and advocacy, we are slowly shifting the narrative. The more we share our stories, listen to lived experiences, and push for inclusive environments, the more we create a world where children—and adults—don’t feel compelled to hide parts of themselves just to be accepted.
Masking may never completely disappear, because the world will always have expectations. But with increasing awareness, empathy, and systemic change, we can make masking far less necessary. We can raise a generation of neurodivergent individuals who feel safe, seen, and celebrated for who they truly are—not who they’ve learned to pretend to be.
Resources for Further Exploration
Internal Links:
- The Masks We Wear- Pam and the Purple Couch Podcast
→ Whether you’re a parent, educator, or advocate, this episode will help you understand masking not as something to “fix,” but as something to understand, honor, and explore with compassion. - Meet Pamela
→ Learn how Pamela’s journey as a parent led her to create transformative spaces for neurodivergent learners. - Services
→ Access information on coaching, training, and workshops designed to empower parents and educators. - Making Workplaces More Neurodivergent-Friendly Means Making Them More Human-Friendly
→ A powerful reminder that inclusive workspaces aren’t just better for neurodivergent individuals—they’re better for everyone. Compassion and flexibility lead to innovation and lasting success. - MindMeld Community
→ A members-only community offering expert-led Q&As, resources, and networking opportunities for educators and caregivers.
External Links:
- “Unmasking Autism” by Dr. Devon Price
→ A powerful and accessible guide exploring how autistic individuals mask their identities to fit into neurotypical society, and how unmasking can lead to self-acceptance and authenticity. - Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)
→ Offers articles, toolkits, and guides on autism and masking, written by and for autistic people. Great for understanding lived experiences and promoting neurodiversity. - The Neurodivergent Woman” Podcast – Masking Episode
→ Podcast episode offering a personal perspective on autism masking from a woman with “spectrum traits,” exploring social scripting, the effort behind fitting in, and challenges with authenticity and reading cues. - National Autistic Society – Guide to Masking
→ UK-based resource offering an overview of what masking is, how it affects mental health, and why people on the spectrum may feel the need to mask. - “Why Women with Autism Hide in Plain Sight” – BBC Future Article
→ Insightful piece highlighting how many autistic women and girls use masking to cope with social expectations and why it can lead to late diagnosis.